Raising Respectful Children

More info... As a parent, you want well-behaved, respectful, and obedientchildren. And, like many parents, you get frustrated by their unpleasantbehavior, their failure to listen, and their arguing. Your attempts to solve these problems, no matter how logicalor sensible, haven't produced the results you've hoped for. And advice from experts is often confusing,impractical, sometimes contradictory, or just plain ineffective. Your days arefilled with stress and aggravation. Like most modern parents, you've probably made therelatively straightforward process of raising kids more complicated than itneeds to be. At Kids Raised Right.com, we'llprovide effective solutions to the most troublesome and exasperating childbehavior problems. We promise youtime-tested, real world answers that reduce your distress and allow you tospend more time enjoying your children. If you want your kids raised right, you're at the right place. One of the greatest challenges in parenting is setting clear, consistent rules for your children. Although the content and consequences vary by age, consistency in enforcement remains crucial regardless of the age of the child. Here are some ideas to help with setting rules that are effective and consequences that are workable for you as a parent to enforce. Know your own rules. This seems obvious, yet how are children to know the rules if you don’t have a clear idea of what is important to you. Some rules are safety issues and are never negotiable, like crossing the street without looking or leaving the home without permission. Other rules set guidelines about how to treat others or family standards. Determine for yourself if your rules involve safety issues or values that you want to impress upon your child. Most parents have rules that fall in both categories. Make a list of rules that are important to you. Make sure that the rules are clear. Define rules by specific behaviors. “Don’t get in trouble” leaves too much room for interpretation by both you and your child. “Treat me with respect” can be equally vague for a teenager. Behavioral requests such as: look at me when I am talking to you, do not begin to talk until I am finished, do not roll your eyes or walk away while I am talking to you are helpful. Have conversations about rules when they are not being broken. Define the rules with your children when you are not angry and when they are open to listening. If you chose, you may even explain why you are setting a rule. Keep in mind that an explanation does not open the rule to negotiation but rather allows for understanding. Discussing a rule prior to its violation allows for clear expectations for the child and consistency in enforcement from the parent. Set clear, simple consequences. These must also be discussed when the rules are set. There may be different levels of consequences. If a child breaks rule X, they might lose TV for a day. Subsequent violation may lead to a loss for a week or grounding (be sure to define what grounding means if you use it). Some safety rules may have more severe consequences on one violation to enforce the importance of the rule. Follow through on the consequences that are set. Without this step, setting rules is a worthless exercise. Help your self in this area by not setting up consequences that limit you. Don’t take away a movie if you want to see it. Determine how you will find support when enforcement is difficult.Parenting isn’t easy but rule setting and enforcement can become easier if you are intentional about your rules and consequences and are clear about how rules will be enforced. If you decide to bring in your child for a play therapy evaluation, here is what to expect. Depending on the age of the child, I will probably ask the parents to come in without the child for the initial meeting. The exception to this is with the older teen who is well aware of why he/she is coming and whose parent is comfortable discussing the issue in front of the child. During the first meeting without the child, I will ask questions about the presenting problem as well as any precipitating factors. A family history will be taken, both of the parental relationship as well as both parents family of origin. Goals for change will be set and we will discuss how we will know goals have been achieved. Typically I will then meet alone with the child for 4 sessions. Many times during this period I may schedule one of these meetings with the whole family to do a group acitivity. This is useful to highlight any family dynamics that may be affecting the child. When alone with the child for play sessions, I will initially let the child lead the way. Toys and activities in my playroom are specially chosen to provide a "vocabulary" for children too young to express thier emotions using words. When your child leaves the session, they may talk about playing in the sand, coloring or making a collage. These are all techniques for me to get to know your child better and for them to express themselves. I prefer to not discuss the child's "progress" in front of them unless I let them know we will be doing so. This respects the child's feelings of trust about what happens in the session and it is uncomfortable for a child to be talked about in front of them. If there is anything that needs to be discussed I may ask for time alone or the parent may call before or after the session. After 4 sessions, I will meet again with parents without the child to discuss observations, recommendations and revise the goals. This pattern will continue until therapy is terminated. I have been working with people in the context of their families, culture and social economic status for over 17 years. To do this I provide individual and family counseling, marital therapy and pre-marital counseling as well as divorce recovery in a safe, supportive enviroment. Common concerns you may experience include: depression, anxiety, difficulty sleeping (emotional issues), trouble adjusting to transitions such as aging, children as they reach adolescence, changes in relationships or work. If you are experiencing any of these issues, professional intervention is usually helpful. I have a great deal of experience with child development and parenting issues as well. Life Coaching Share Your Opinion. (0 posts)

 

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