Family Service Agency of San Francisco

More info... Family Service Agency of San Francisco6 min - Aug 2, 2006Founded in 1889, Family Service Agency of San Francisco is the oldest nonsectarian, nonprofit charitable social-services provider in the City and County of San Francisco.Our mission is to strengthen families by providing caring, effective, and innovative social services, with special emphasis on the needs of low-income families, children, the elderly, and disabled people, thus improving the quality of life for all San Franciscans.our website is www.fsasf.orgMore info.... (http://video.google.com/url?docid=-486303794169992122&esrc=rss_searchfeed&ev=v&len=337&q=family+services&srcurl=http%3A%2F%2Fvideo.google.com%2Fvideoplay%3Fdocid%3D-486303794169992122&vidurl=http%3A%2F%2Fvideo.google.com%2Fvideoplay%3Fdocid%3D-486303794169992122%26q%3Dfamily%2Bservices&usg=AL29H20r1185v7RdVBRB-CAdi2wq8-jDVg) Because I see children, I am often asked questions about parenting. Some are very specific, asking about how to handle a behavioral issue like anger or doing homework. Other times, the questions are more general and it feels like the parent is looking for my approval. Without actually asking the question, they are wondering, “Am I doing it right”, “Will my child be harmed because I work?” or here’s what Tommy or I did in response to this situation- “Are we normal?” It seems that our ideas of good parenting are shaped by many different influences. Of course , our parents’ ideas of parenting shape our own but things were so different when we were children that it is hard to compare. Men weren’t expected to be as involved, if they were involved at all and fewer women were in the workforce. Society shapes our ideas of what is expected now but messages may be mixed depending on one’s social or economic surroundings. At times, especially with middle class families, parenting feels like a competition. My child got into this school or plays this sport competitively or is in these extracirricullar activities. Grades and test scores become public know ledge and at times feel more like a reflection of the parents’ performance than the child. The above discussion doesn’t even address yet another complication. The parent who was poorly parented and knows they want to do things differently but does not have a close role model. How does one know the best way to parent? Assuming that there are no problems with physical, verbal or sexual abuse and your child is safe, here are some guidelines to assure a parent that they are doing it right. 1. There is no RIGHT way to do it. All parents do the best they can given their own stage of development.2. There is no PERFECT parent, nor should a parent try to be perfect. In fact, according to researcher D.W. Winnicott, it is imperative that we fail our children at times so that they develop resilience and skills to take care of themselves in the real world.3. What is important, according to Winnicott is that we be a GOOD ENOUGH parent. This means meeting the needs of the child enough so that they understand that in general, the world is a reliable place and that others can be trusted.4. This goal can be accomplished whether you work or stay home. A parent who is dissatisfied with their own situation will project this disatisfaction on to their children and won’t be as emotionally available.5. Be intentional about the values that you want to pass along to your children and model them in your life.6. Provide firm and consistent discipline. Children need their parents to be parents and not permissive friends.Be open to other’s way s of parenting and recognize that there is no one way of doing it. Follow your intuition and do the best you can. Do You Really Want to Change?We’ve all heard the statistics about the likelihood of keeping New Year’s resolutions. Instead of talking about the failure of the New Year’s promise, here is some information about how to make those changes stick. According to Change Theory, there are six steps to making a change. The first is Precontemplation, when you first notice some discomfort with an aspect in your life. The second is Contemplation. In this stage, the problem becomes something that takes up some mental space. Many people are in the contemplation stage for weight loss after the holidays. The ads on TV and extra pounds begin to focus our attention on this topic. Those who are serious about changing, might move into the Preparation and Planning stage where they would come up with a plan, like joining Weight Watchers or setting a goal. They might also tell someone so that they had some accountability. Now it is time for Action. This involves really taking the plan and doing it. Setting goals is helpful, so that there is a target to work toward. Make sure that goals are specific, measurable and attainable, like 10 lbs by April 1. An unrealistic target can contribute to failure. Once a goal is reached, the next phase is Maintenance, where the change becomes more than an exercise but rather incorporated into the daily lifestyle. Finally, once this goal is achieved, proceed to the Termination phase to celebrate your victory. Weight was used a today’s example but this process can be useful in changing lifestyle habits as well. Think about what you would like to change in your life and set goals. marriage and family therapy, individual consultation and coaching, pastoral psychotherapy, certified imago relationship therapist Darlene is in residency at the CTS Counseling Center and is a life coach. She specializes in personal professional growth and development as well as lifestyle change. Please feel free to contact her for a complimentary coaching session and for information about the services she offers. Call Darlene today to experience the growth you've been seeking!! Life Coaching Share Your Opinion. (0 posts)

 

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